Tell Me Pastor

Unwanted affections from friend

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old female from Jamaica but I have been living in London for the past four years. My boyfriend, who is the love of my life since I was 12 years old, lives in Jamaica. We don't see much of each other but we talk on the phone at least 3 times per week. I am not saying that my boyfriend is perfect because he gets on my nerves sometimes but I still love him with all my heart.

My problem is that I think he doesn't trust me but I trust him. He says that I tell people in the community to watch him and then inform me of his behaviour. I would never do such a thing because if I love someone I can't do anything that he doesn't like or anything to hurt him. And if I do, I will try my best to make it right.

I try my very best not to upset my boyfriend because I know that he has a bad temper and he will hit me. I am not saying that he has hit me before but he has raised his hand to do so already. I am not working but if I have anything I share it with him. He is not working at the moment either but he is looking for a job.

We have made plans for the future and are working towards them. I have been attending college for almost two years. My boyfriend and I are going to try for a baby. He wants one and I am going to give him. He has another child from a one-night stand. I was pregnant last year but lost the baby and I want to get pregnant again.

My boyfriend and my cousin's boyfriend introduced me to one of their friends who is a very nice guy. I used to call him because he and I became friends and I grew to trust him. A few days ago I called my cousin's boyfriend and we were talking on the phone and then he put the guy on the phone.

I ignored him because my boyfriend told me to stay away from him. He then gave back the phone to my cousin's boyfriend who told me that I hurt the guy's feeling because I ignored him. I called him to apologise and he started to tell me all sorts of things, which I did not understand. I asked him to be clear and he told me that he is in love with me.

I did not give this guy any impression that I have any feelings for him. So I told him to get whatever kind of loving he has out of his head because all those times that I was talking to him I was in love with my boyfriend.

One of my girlfriends heard me on the telephone with him and said that she is going to tell my boyfriend that I called the guy. This guy is going too far because he is sending me text messages telling me all sorts of things and I don't like keeping things away from my boyfriend.

C., London, England

Dear C,

First of all, let me say to you that you should never tolerate any man who attempts to physically or verbally abuse you. You mentioned that your boyfriend has a temper and he attempted to hit you. Tell him that if he does so you are going to end the relationship with him and you may even report him to the police. No man has any right to beat a woman.

You are 18 years old and struggling in London. You should try and get back to school and having a child should not be your priority right now.

A baby is not a toy. Sometimes young women talk about babies as if they are toys but when a woman has a baby she is taking on an awesome task. So enjoy your freedom right now and get yourself an education.

Concerning this other young man who is showing interest in you, don't take him on. Don't give him the impression that you would love to become intimate with him. Ignore his text messages and don't go out with him.

Pastor