Commentary

Big baby don man

By Leighton Levy

TELL ME THAT what I am hearing about this so-called gang leader isn't true. Did Richie Poo really pee on himself? Oh gosh. Poor thing.

Richie Poo pee pee in his pants? Hush, you hear? The bad policeman is not going to kill you. Not yet, at any rate.

Now, how many of you actually believe that? don gorgon gang leader, crying like a baby and peeing on himself when the police held him.

Me? I believe. Most bad men are only bad when they have a gun in hand. That is why they travel in packs because even with the gun they are still found wanting. Take away that gun and what you have is "Jesas Chris offica, do. No kill me. Mama whooy. Murda!!!"

Weak-kneed

Are these the traits of a heartless criminal, weak in the knees and bladder?

I wonder how many times before Richie Poo's bladder has failed him, how many times before did he lose control of his bladder and/or his bowels when the pressure came to bear either from the police or from rival gangs?

And if this were the case, did the men he allegedly led know? Can you imagine what a conversation would be like after a major gunfight should they have known about their boss' affliction?

Gang member number 1: "Boy, the boss p-up himself again tiday."

Gang member number 2: "Star, you cyan a sey dat. Suppose 'im hear?"

Gang member number 1: "Yeah, but why every time after we inna suppm, im have fi go change im pant?. A so him leg dem sweat hard?"

Gang member number 2: "Star, mi notice it from di odder day. Him claim sey a so him body sweat from im a yout' but di ting me no understand is why him shirt never wet a just him pants front?"

Gang member number 1: "And a wha smell so?"

The other thing is, if and when Richie Poo gets out, either because people are afraid to come forward and testify against him or there isn't strong enough forensic evidence for the authorities to jail him for a very long time, what will his reputation be? Will he be known as the man who peed himself and cried like a baby when nabbed?

How will this affect his street credibility?

Can you imagine him trying to intimidate the person who replaced him as the leader of the gang?

Richie Poo: "Star, mi a di #%@&leader. A me a di don man, you see me!"

New leader: "Man, move from me wid you wet up self. Bout you a di leader. Bathroom leader? A must dat, cause no pee pan self man a lead dis ya massive ya."

Yeah, I think his skills as gang leader would be brought into question. If I were a gang member, I would have serious issues being led by a man who has a tendency to pee on himself in times of trouble.

I mean, how effective could poor little Richie Poo be when shots are being fired at the gang and you turn to him for guidance only to see him grab his crotch and mutter to himself, "Not again?"