Tell Me Pastor

Nagging ex-lovers

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with my child's father for almost 11 years and we have a four-year-old daughter. He travels and works on the farm work programme for 13 years now and the problem is that for at least half of the time that we are together I don't love him.

He cheated on me with other women and I forgave him, and we always stayed together.

He did things that drove me not to love him anymore. One such thing is that he has not even purchased a piece of land and I don't know if he saves a dollar. This man allows his mother to do all his business. If he should die now, they could tell me that he did not leave any money. We have been engaged for a year but we have not planned a time to be married. I don't see us getting married.

I spoke to him but he hasn't even opened an account in case our daughter should become ill and he's not in Jamaica. And to make matters worse, he doesn't want me to work at all. He takes care of us by providing food, clothing and shelter and pays the bills. Don't you think he should involve us more in his life? And since he doesn't want me to work, he should make preparations for his daughter in case anything should go wrong. We have been living together for five out of the 10 years.

Beneficiary

I opened a ScotiaMint account and put him as my beneficiary. In case anything should go wrong I know he would be the one to take care of our daughter, so I put him in everything. I think it is unfair for him not to do the same for me . He's 40 years old and I am 28 and our daughter is our only child.

I told him it's over and he refuses to let me go. He said he is going to kill himself and he'll go crazy. I believe everyone should be happy and he makes me very unhappy.

How can I spend the rest of my life being unhappy? Do you think it is right to marry someone you don't love? I wasn't even glad when he came home.

There is no way I could love him again. I have totally fallen out of love for him.

About two years ago I met another man and we became friends. We would relate our problems to each other. Eventually, we became intimate. It has been a year since we are intimate. He is not the reason why I'm not in love with my fiancé anymore. I was just not in love with him anymore and I was unhappy. But this guy is different. He is loving, not boring and he makes me happy and laugh. I really like him.

He had a girlfriend at the time but now they have parted. She is hanging on and doesn't want to accept it, just like my fiancé. She is miserable and nagging and he can't take it anymore. It is now up to me to decide if I want to be with him. Since I'll be leaving my fiancé whether or not he accepts it, this guy will try his best to make me comfortable and he wouldn't be that selfish either.

What should I do? Please do not judge me. There is a lot more. Sometimes I feel like I would stay in the relationship just to hurt my fiancé. But how can I spend the rest of my life with someone I don't love? I am not sure if it will work out with the other guy but at least I will have my freedom to meet Mr. Right and fall in love and be happy and give my life to God, since that is my biggest dream. I really want another child, but how can I when I am confused?

Please pray for me and give me your advice. I'll be looking forward to your reply. God bless you always.

M.R.,

St. Ann

Dear M.R.,

You have clearly stated that you are not in love with the man with whom you are living and you are eager to leave. I could only wish you well. I hope as you move on, you will find true happiness.

You have stated that you are not the cause of the break-up with the other man and his former girlfriend. I hope you are speaking the truth. Make sure that you do not get into a confrontation with the young woman.

Pastor.