Tell Me Pastor

Daddy's little girl

Dear Pastor,

How are you? I read your column whenever I get the chance. Keep up the good work and keep on doing what you're doing.

I am 19-years-old and will be 20 in the next few days. I am not working and hopefully I will start university in September.

I used to consider myself as being an ugly person but not anymore. I tell myself that I am beautiful and that I am just the way God wants me to be. I have been told by almost every guy I meet how beautiful I am.

Anyway, my parents don't want me having a boyfriend, so I went through high school not having one. My mother thinks I should wait until I have built a career, have a job and a place for myself. I have been out of high school for three years now. I have also attended other institutions up until last year. I was asked to attend an interview for a part-time job in Kingston but was discouraged from attending it by my father.

I met a wonderful guy a year ago and we are having a long distance relationship right now. We talk almost every day. My parents do not know about him. Whenever he visits his mother (who lives in the neighbouring parish), I want to go and visit him but I can't because wherever I am going I have to tell my parents.

I grew up staying at home and not going anywhere except school, church, library, and wherever my parents sent me, and wherever the whole family is going. I never got the chance to spend time with my friends outside of school except when we went on school trips. I don't know much about the places outside of my community.

My mother understands that I am getting older but my father still seems to think that I am a little girl. If I ask him if I can go out, he wants to know where I'm going. Because of that, I stay home every day and watch television or read something. My father is old enough to be my grandfather and my mother is at least half his age. When my father was younger he did as he pleased.

I don't have the courage to tell my parents that I have a boyfriend and that I need freedom to go out. What should I do? Thanks for your advice.

M., Manchester.

Dear M,

You can tell your parents that a young man is interested in you, you don't have to say he is your boyfriend. If they ask whether you are interested in him too, say 'yes', but quickly add that you intend to focus on your university programme, therefore, they need not be fearful you'll be distracted.

Pastor.