Dear Pastor,
I am a 15-year-old girl and I have had sex with 18 boys.
I had sex with three best friends at once and two close friends at the same time. Most of these boys are older than me. The oldest is 27. I don't know what I was thinking, but that is very horrible. I have not even told my parents that I had sex. They think that I am still a virgin. Sometimes when I think back about the past I cry. I can't even think at school. All sort of things come to my mind. I have told myself that when I return from my trip I will not have sex with anyone. I have not broken that promise, and I have not had sex for seven months. I don't even want to see anyone that I had sex with. I feel so embarrassed.
I met this guy who is 25 and he is in love with me. He said he knows all about me and I need to stop being so easy because sex is all that the boys want from me. He is very popular and a lot of girls like him. He said girls like him because of his name and not what is inside. He said he is trying to keep out of trouble. He gets very jealous whenever I talk to other guys. He calls me every day to see if I am alright. He told some of his friends that if they see me talking to any other boy they should let him know. He is asking me to have sex with him, but I always tell him no. He has not pressured me. He said he would wait. Sometimes when I am on the phone talking to him I feel very nervous. I also feel nervous when I am at his house. He said I should act more mature and stop acting childishly. I think I like this guy, but I don't know what to do. I know that he is too old, but I love him.
Please give me your advice and suggestions.
M., Bermuda
Dear M.,
You have sex with many guys although you are only 15. I could understand why you cry about the things you have done. You regret getting involved with so many men. However, I want you to understand that you cannot change the past, but by the help of God you can have a strong resolve not to repeat the mistakes you have made.
Unfortunately, some girls who do not communicate well with their parents and whose parents have not told them how to deal with men often give themselves totally to men and become sexually-active much too early. Some girls have sex with many boys because they want to be popular. Others feel that it is just the in-thing and they don't want to be different. However, boys tell other boys that these girls are easy to get and every boy tries to get a piece of the action, so to speak.
Right now you feel cheap and this 25-year-old guy is going to continue to ask you for sex hoping that you would eventually consent. You should not go to his house and you should not be alone with him at all. He has already told you that he knows everything about you. The news is around. You don't need an intimate boyfriend. You may have social boyfriends and give yourself time to grow up. You need a good education. And you also need to commit your life to God. Learn to talk to your parents about problems. They know that teenagers face many temptations. Walk carefully, my dear and keep in touch with me.
Pastor.
