A FEW WEEKS ago I ranted about how life was unfair to men and because life is unfair, men have developed a dependency on sex aids and aphrodisiacs. What I forgot to mention then, was why life was unfair to men.
And because there are many people out there who are not so bright, as a journalist of sorts, I feel compelled to explain. So, here goes.
Men have sexual issues in the extreme. It's either he can't lift his gun any at all, no matter how hard he tries, or he can lift it but can't keep it up. There are also cases wherein he manages to lift it but shoots too quickly, or his gun is too small, or, in rare instances, too large. It is literally a case of if it's not one thing, it's another.
All these potential predicaments, especially conditions one and two, make a man's life living hell. And that is why it preys on his mind. Anybody with half a brain knows how powerful the mind is. It is able to make us do things or not do things depending on how much we are in control of it.
Men, when it comes to sex, are never in control of their minds. Not even if they're gay. Most men, when the prospect of sex looms large, tend to become anxious. That anxiety has a tendency to mount, especially if it is in a man who does not get such opportunities very often, or if he had a significant malfunction of the plumbing in the very recent past.
If the case is the latter, then you can bet money that a malfunction or some semblance of a malfunction is on the cards. He knows this and because he can't tell anybody, the frustration mounts to a such a point that by the time the moment of truth arrives, he is a psychological wreck. Thus, engine failure.
Pop!
The other side of that coin is that he gets so worked up the minute penetration is about to occur, BOOM, pop goes the weasel! Either way, in his mind, he thinks the woman is secretly laughing at him or worse, that she is going to tell her friends. No man can live with that.
These issues aside, men who have properly functioning equipment also have their fair share of difficulties, too. There is nothing more frustrating than a man who has the equipment working but does not have the stamina. To men like these women come off as very long and steep hills that he has to climb.
And for the man who has it all, function and stamina, he often hears that he is taking too long. He just can't win. A significant part of the problem is that overall men tend to overrate themselves and as such seek very little input from their partners. This is one of the reasons why they put themselves under so much pressure because they believe that all women like sex the same way, and it is what they boast to their friends about all the time. I call it the 'Kill har wid stab mentality' which is so old and out of date now it is no wonder some women will share a man and leave others behind.
The approach that I find works is not new but is pretty new to men here in Jamaica. It is called consultation. Just ask. Ask the woman what works for her and what doesn't. Try to find out what is too long for her, in terms of time, that is, and what is too short. Ask her how she likes to be treated before, during and after. They say lesbians have the best sex, and that is not too hard to believe because women know what women want, most times. Plus, they ask questions.
We men need to adopt a different approach to this sex thing. The old ways were good while they lasted but things, times and women have changed, and so should we.
