Commentary

Bad, bad wicked inna bed

YOU KNOW, LIFE is unfair to men. Men have it so badly that drug companies are able to reap billions of dollars from products like Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, and a host of others, because men are always unsure about their virility.

From the time he is born, a male child becomes obsessed with his plumbing. Do you ever notice what happens after a baby boy first discovers his penis? He keeps grabbing it and never stops until the day he dies.

We men are so insecure about our virility that even when we are in our prime, we willingly ingest anything that we believe will make us 'wicked' in the bedroom. Take, for example, a drug called anafranil, a mild anti-depressant. On the street this drug is called 'boom'. According to a doctor I spoke with, among the side effects of anafranil are drowsiness and prolonged erections. "Yawn, let's have sex baby, yawn," is what you will probably hear from a man on anafranil. Chances are he might also fall asleep on the job, which is just as bad as not being able to perform. "One thing though, the doctor did say that anafranil can help with performance anxiety. So that's a plus.

However, there are other so-called aphrodiasics - the various roots concoctions, Irish Moss, peanut potions, and as was seen in yesterday's STAR this English-made cereal mixed with Guinness - that have absolutely no use but men continue to take them as nauseam.

It almost seems like for us men, if our penises fail, we believe we have outlived our usefulness. I guess this all stems from the fact that men are only in their prime for so very few years, especially when compared with women who become more sexually potent the older they get. And you know what? It plays on our minds. It certainly does.

Why do you think men grab their crotches so often? It's like we have to keep checking if it's still there, 20, maybe 30 times a day. You ask any man what worries him most and somewhere in his list of top five greatest fears will be impotence. I have known men who have gone senile because they were no longer virile. How sad is that?

Women also play their part in driving this insecurity in men. You hear the songs; 'Isty bitsy, teenie weenie, shriveled little short short man...', 'Don't want no one-minute man', and other such songs, that help drive the fears that drive the desire to take anything that we believe will make us better. What a lot of men fail to realise, however, is that if we simply don't put so much pressure on ourselves, half of the problems we experience in the bedroom will go away. Of course, if the plumbing doesn't work properly, then you may need to see a doctor or get some Viagra or something, but besides that it is all in the approach.

We have this tendency to believe that pounding away at a woman is the way to go and these potions and concoctions and tablets help us to pound away for longer periods. To many men, it's like running a marathon and they have to get to the finish line first, it doesn't matter even if the woman dropped out of the race eons ago.

My advice is guys, just relax. Find more creative ways to make your woman happy and remember, more often than not, nothing is wrong with you, it's all in your mind.