Tell Me Pastor

Keeping secrets downstairs

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you. I am 18 years old and I have a 27-year-old boyfriend. I am pregnant for him, but I am not sure if I really want to be with him. I think he is gay. I confronted him about it and he cursed and said that I don't respect him and I must be crazy to think like that.

The reason why I think that he is gay is because of the way he 'sucks' up to this guy. He does everything to please him, even more than he does for me. Every time the guy comes and calls him, he runs to him and it does not matter what we are doing. Even if we are having sex at midnight he has to stop and go. This guy lives on the floor below us and my boyfriend is always going down there to spend hours, and he always showers before he comes upstairs.

I am deeply in love with him. I can't stay away from him for more than a day. I want to end the relationship with him, but I have to consider the baby. I am so confused. At times I sit and cry because I really don't want to lose him.

Wish to leave

Sometimes I wish that I didn't get pregnant for him or else I could leave him any time and have no contact with him whatsoever. I don't know what to do.

Please give me your fatherly advice.

T.M., Brooklyn, New York

Dear T.M.,

The behaviour of your boyfriend is indeed very strange. The type of relationship he is having with the man has caused you to wonder if he is gay. I suspect you mean whether he is bisexual. If he is straight, and is not having any sort of sexual relationship with this man who lives downstairs, why does he always shower before he returns to you?

If you have doubts about this man and you feel very uneasy about the relationship, you shouldn't stay with him. You don't trust him and for you to be comfortable with a man, you have to trust him.

He is behaving like someone you should not trust. Your baby will not suffer if you were to leave him. You may be doing yourself and your baby a tremendous favour by leaving this man as early as possible.

Pastor.