Commentary

The best - and worst - of 2003

SO IT IS a new year they say... Oddly enough, it feels just like the old one, but maybe that's just me.

I thought I'd start off by doing something which has crossed my mind before, but which I never really got around to before for some odd reason or the other - and it's a best of list! After all, everyone else is, so why not me?

So here goes, the best, worst and biggest of 2003 according to yours truly (Please keep in mind that these categories have no rhyme or reason beyond what passes for my mind).

Best Introduction of A Villain In A Movie: That of Michael Clarke Duncan as the 'Kingpin' in Daredevil. If you don't remember it, the camera pans slowly up the front of a skyscraper and the line I'm an outlaw from N.E.R.D.'s Lapdance is played. Genius in a movie that disappointed for the most part.

Best Actress: Cate Blanchett in Veronica Guerin. Blanchett doesn't just act -- she becomes the character. If you missed this movie, shame on you.

Best Actor: Sean Penn in Mystic River.

Best Fight Scene: Elektra (Jennifer Garner) vs. some sandbags in Daredevil to Evanescence's Bring Me To Life. Runners-up: Neo vs. Agent Smith(s) in The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions and The Bride (Uma Thurman) vs. the Japanese Yakuza in Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill.

Quote Of The Year: "...more people have telephone and more man have gal than at any time else." (I hadn't noticed) Prime Minister P.J. Patterson.

Biggest Baby: Roger Clarke, after not being re-elected as a People's National Party vice-president.

Most Embarrassing Exit: Senior Superintendent Reneto Adams. After all of that, he went so quietly... Runner-up: Olivia 'Babsy' Grange.

Biggest Waste of Time: The debate over the monument at Emancipation Park, New Kingston, 'Redemption Song'. Get a life people... Runner-up: 'Caribbean Fashionweek'.

The King rules

Best Battle Scene In A Movie: The battle of Gondor in Lord of the Rings: The Return Of The King. Runner-up: Tom Cruise and the Samurai vs. the Japanese military in The Last Samurai.

Best Movie: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.

Biggest Flop: Appleton Entertainment's 'Hot Shots'.

Biggest Surprise That Should Not Have Been A Surprise: Vybz Kartel and Ninja Man get physical at 'Sting'. Runner-up: Captain Burrell gets voted out of the presidency of the Jamaica Football Federation.

Best New Act: Tami Chin.

Best Band: Mile High.

Best Album: Evanescence's Fallen.

Best Fashion Trend: Ultra-low riders on women, which gave rise to the term 'butt cleavage'. Note, this only applies to women, who, well, know their size.

Most Disturbing Song : Vybz Kartel's Tek BGyal. I mean, damn...

Best Song Nobody Else Has Heard Of: Heaven's A Lie by Lacuna Coil.

And the Ooops, I Put My Foot In My Mouth - Again award goes to... Eddie Seaga.

Most Tantalizing TV Moment: Britney Spears locking lips with Madonna. Why doesn't anyone remember that Christina Aguilera was in on the action too?

Biggest Act of Terrorism: The United States invades Iraq, looking for 'weapons of mass destruction'.

Most Annoying Cable TV Host: Kim of RETV.

Worst TV-Related Idea: The Golden Nugget. Proves that reality TV is spelt D-U-M-B.

Let's see what 2004 holds...

Questions, comments or rants? E-mail me at chaos_theory@ureach.com