Tell Me Pastor

Dirty old men

DEAR PASTOR,

My man who is in his late fifties is having an affair with a teenager. We have a visiting relationship because we own separate houses. We both have grown children but none together. My children live in the United States so I travel a lot. It was upon my return that he told me that he is seeing this little girl. He is 39 years her senior. What hurts most is that the child grew up around us and was like one of our own. Everybody in the community knew about our relationship, including her family, since they are friends of ours. I spoke to him about the relationship with her and he denied it, but there are certain behavioural patterns of his that made me believe he is lying. I made him aware that I know that he is lying. A long time ago, one of his own villagers said to me that he has a weakness for teenagers and girls in their early 20s. Therefore, I was partly prepared for it. It took a long time before it happened, but it did. His son does not even take as peers those whom he speaks with. His own kids have no respect for him because of the kind of life that he is living. One day I spoke to him about older men having sex with children, and he said the men are looking for veal. What on earth is wrong with these dirty old men?I need your advice.

Thanks in advance.

Initials Withheld By Request.

Dear --,

You have a decision to make. If you believe that this man is having intimate relationships with teenage girls, that he is not speaking the truth, and that the relationship between the both of you will not work, you should tell him and end it.

However, you must be careful not to accuse him if you do not have proof. You say that you have a visiting relationship with this man. Were both of you planning to get married? You have to decide the type of man you would love to have as your husband. You said that his children do not respect him because of the type of life he is living. Do your children respect him? Make up your mind what you want to do.

Pastor